i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
