Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
