I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
