OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
