You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
