I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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