I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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