I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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