Don't make out with my wife yet
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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