Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
