Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
