My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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