God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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