I am puke
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
