I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
