You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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