It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
