I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
