drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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