apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
