Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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