If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
