My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
