Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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