I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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