I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
