No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
