Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need water and some morals
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
