I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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