ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
