...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
