Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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