I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
