I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
