People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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