I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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