Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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