I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
