My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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