i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
