you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
