DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
