so that wasnt chicken after all
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got inside last night via doggy door
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize