Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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