Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i out mim tonsoeep
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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