He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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