Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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