Your tits are I can't wait for
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
