accomplished twins. life is a go
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
