I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him