Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
