Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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