There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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