That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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