I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
