Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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