You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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