I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
