I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
