the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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