right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
