it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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