life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
