wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
